I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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