we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
