She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
