My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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