there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
