I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
