listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
