I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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