Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
