omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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