we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
