got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
