I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
