And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're like the curious george of whores
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
