you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize