i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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