Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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