You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I believe in your delicious
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
