Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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