i may or may not be watching the land before time
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
