I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We are two peas in an std pod
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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