I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
