Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
