Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
