he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
