she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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