I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
