Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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