Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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