dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
