Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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