i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
