I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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