I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
