My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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