Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
