his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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