At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
