I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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