tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
