One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
