you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
