just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
