I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
