i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
