I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
