god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
bring money and cleavage
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize