i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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