im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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