I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
