WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
