she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
