there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i out mim tonsoeep
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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