Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
