You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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