He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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