is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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