Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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