saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
