im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
