let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
