Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize