I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
