I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
