What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
