i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
