Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
