Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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