if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
