I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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