you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
