If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
