I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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