Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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