did you get engaged???
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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