New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
