And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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