Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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