One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
