if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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