After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
