I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
