When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
