my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pooping to opera.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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