You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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