I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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