Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
