I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
