I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
